Reflections by Nano

As South Africa approaches yet another 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence , we find ourselves returning to the same heartbreaking truth: we are living in a country where women do not feel safe—not in public, not at work, not even in their own homes. And at the root of so much of this violence is a simple, yet tragically misunderstood concept: consent . It has become painfully clear that too many men still do not understand what consent truly means. Whether it’s a teenage boy fumbling through a relationship with a girlfriend who is uncomfortable but afraid to say it… or a polished executive who “jokes,” flirts, and makes comments toward a junior employee while calling it harmless— the ignorance, entitlement, and carelessness are the same . Because when hormones are raging or when power is at play, many men seem to lose the ability—or willingness—to recognise discomfort. To see fear. To hear silence. To acknowledge boundaries. A woman coming over to hang out with you does ...

My mom was born on the 5th of July 1969. She died at age 33, on the 12th of June 2003. I’m turning 33 this year...it definitely feels like a significant milestone of sorts.  I’m in awe when I think about the life my mom had lived at this young age; a divorced single mother of two daughters who’d worked hard and pushed against so many odds to give her children a better shot at life than she had had. My mom was a pioneer, she was courageous, and held her own in a man’s world (my sister calls her "a feminist who was ahead of her time" ) but what I remember most is her kindness and how her life benefited and made an impact on so many people's lives, especially her family. I miss her so much my heart aches. Yes, I’ve healed and made peace with her departure from this world, but the reality of her absence in my life will always sting. Most of the time I have happy thoughts and memories of her. But around certain times of the year like Mother’s Day, Christmas, significant celebr...

For the longest time I’ve had the desire to write my life story. Putting my feelings and thoughts on paper has always been a saving grace for me, a therapy of sorts, a healing balm for the soul.  When I feel overwhelmed, lost, and confused, I vomit that internal mess onto my journal (or laptop) and walk away somewhat free and purged of the pain. So, inevitably, writing became second nature to me growing up. The life-giving power of words fascinated me. I enjoyed reading and escaping into imagined worlds where nothing was impossible. There, I could become anyone and anything. I could be royalty, I could be unbroken, I could be free, I could be me. Stories can birth hope in us, stories can restore our souls, stories can awaken dead dreams and sleeping giants within us. Stories are life. There’s a story behind creation, there’s a story behind every invention, there’s a story behind everything, and our lives are stories waiting to be told. When I tell my story of healing and redemption...

There’s a parallel between how we view our earthly fathers and how we view God. A lot of people who have had traumatic experiences at the hands of their fathers or faced rejection from them will, a lot of the time, struggle to relate to God, the Father, in a healthy way. We see God the way we see our earthly fathers, stripping God of His Sovereignty and His Agape Love that has the power to transform and heal our hearts. "Broken families" is one of the devil's strategies. He loves it when fathers reject their children, when they hurt them, and are outright bad fathers. He gets a kick out of dividing families, out of turning the hearts of the fathers away from their children and sowing hatred in the hearts of the children. This was the story of my life for a long time.  I hated my father for as long as I can remember. Even before I knew who he was, I hated him. I determined in my heart as a young girl that I didn’t need him, and that I NEVER will, because he rejected me. I ...

So let's take a break from the serious stuff and laugh a little. Apparently I'm too trusting of strangers and people in general. Some may even call me naive.😅 Due to this "innocence" of mine, I've been "swindled" and mugged more times than I can recall. Those stories will make for a good laugh one day, but the particular incident I was reflecting on today was one that took place in 2012. It was a Sunday morning and I was walking in town, about to take a taxi to church. I was attending church on Westville campus (UKZN) at the time. About 10 steps away from my taxi I get stopped by a young man with tattoos all over his arms; I can't recall what he said to stop me, but we started chatting. He told me that he just came out of prison and that he wants to turn his life around but he's struggling to find a job etc. Now, being a young Christian who was on fire for the Lord, I immediately thought, "this can't be a coincidence, this is God sendin...

So I understand that this blog post might not be as popular as the ones with sordid details of my dismal love life, but it's a MUST that I share this! I hope it encourages someone. I've had an incredible start to 2022; I couldn't be happier and more grateful. I'm experiencing God's grace in such a sweet way, I literally think the word "sweet" describes this current season perfectly. There have been a lot of changes (all good) that have taken place in my life over the past few months. As much as I had a great year last year, and the year before that, I always knew that something was missing; I was living my best life, yet my soul wasn't completely satisfied. And I've been a church girl for a long time now, so I know that when my personal relationship with God is rocky, I live an incredibly carnal life, finding pleasure in "boys and booze" as I've jokingly mentioned in a previous blog post. So when this year began, and as I was takin...

Popular culture brainwashes us into living unauthentic lives for the sake of being cool or being accepted by people who couldn’t care less about us. I’d like to offer a different narrative. Where the world encourages destructive behaviours and attitudes such as “be cool, or act cool”, “pretend you don’t care” or “tone down your excitement”, I’d like to propose that this kind of thinking is what destroys authenticity. We trade in honesty for likes. We give up our truth to gain a false sense of respect and affirmation from people who don’t even know the real you. The world or popular culture will have you sacrificing your soul for fake validation and meaningless attention. We’ve become so accustomed to portraying a cool or “acceptable” version of ourselves that many of us don’t know or appreciate our true selves. We’ve become casualties of destructive societal norms. After coincidentally having a few conversations relating to authenticity and pretentiousness, I reflected on the be...

 I’m turning 32 tomorrow! And I’m soooo excited for this next chapter of my life. In my blog description I write that, “I’m a woman who’s hoping to find love and stability as I enter my thirties…” Well, I’m proud to say that I’ve found it. 😊 I’ve found love and stability within myself. At the beginning of this journey, and for most of my life, I was looking outwardly for these things. While looking in all the wrong places, I found a lot of wrong things, wrong people, wrong habits. I found a lot that didn’t serve me. As soon as I started looking within, the answers started coming, the healing started coming, courage and hope filled my heart and life. As soon as I began to celebrate the good in me and the good around me, more blessings and joy came my way. Now, there’s a lot that I still want out of life, there’s so much I still want to do and accomplish; I feel like I’ve hardly begun living, yet I’ve lived such a full life already. And I’m really excited for the future! But ...

Letting go is a HARD thing to do. We say we really want to, but when the rubber hits the road, our desire to leave the past behind us and move forward is usually found wanting. I think we become so accustomed to our pain and suffering that we are terrified of embracing the foreign and unknown future; although it promises unthinkable peace, joy, freedom. I’m learning that in order to move forward and become the ME that God has created me to be, I need to shake off some things. Some of these things are experiences that have happened to me through no fault of my own, but some are my own mistakes and stupid actions. But whether I was at fault or not, these experiences have caused a sense of shame and self-preservation that has held me back from living fully and boldly. Some of the struggles and shortcomings we encounter as adults are usually linked to some deeply entrenched fears from our childhoods. I have some specific, vivid memories that have held me prisoner for so long and gnaw...

Have you ever felt like you don’t know what the hell you’re doing?! And you’re just winging this life thing; winging work, winging relationships…? That’s me every day! I feel like LIFE is this riddle that everyone else has figured out, and I just can’t seem to crack it. 31 years later, and I’m still desperately trying to make ANY sense of it. I’ve always struggled with insecurity and inferiority. I’ve always questioned if I actually “belonged” anywhere. Feeling like an outsider, second best, an inconvenience, a burden, not being enough…that’s been me most of my life. This scarcity mentality has become so entrenched in my mind, I will 9 times out of 10 self-sabotage when things are going well for me. Deep down inside, I believe I don’t deserve good things, and this inferiority complex has ravaged so many parts of my life. I think a lot of this negative thinking emanated mostly from my shit-show of a “father experience”. If you haven’t read my blog posts about my Dads (yes, plural)...

Through the testimony of my life, I want to change the narrative that women don’t support each other, and that we are always the first to pull a fellow sister down or sabotage another woman’s success. That CANNOT be our story! Yes, the abovementioned scenarios do exist, and one woman sabotaged by another woman is one too many. But there IS another reality! I’ve seen women make unimaginable sacrifices for the upliftment and wellbeing of another woman or girl child. I’ve seen women support each other without envy, women celebrating one another in heartfelt ways that will humble you, women praying fervently for their fellow sister’s wellbeing and success. I’ve seen women who dare to change the status quo and the environment and narrative around them. This type of secure, confident, and compassionate woman exists in every one of us. But we must fiercely fight daily to free her and let her reign in power and love; that she may shape the world around her. I’ve encountered many such women who...

You know when you've thought of a million different gifts you can buy someone, but none of them suffice. And you've tried writing a letter to express your deep gratitude and appreciation for them, but the words keep coming up short. Well, I can't count the number of times I've wanted to do something special enough to show two gentlemen, in particular, just how much of an impact they've made on my life... Let me give some background to my story... Some of you may know that I grew up without a father (not knowing my biological dad for most of my childhood). There were some men (uncles, etc.) who somewhat played the "father-figure" role, but a lot of pain and trauma came through those relationships. As a result of these experiences, I grew up feeling unwanted, uncared for, unprovided for, unprotected...especially by the men in my life. And every little girl/boy wants to feel loved, protected and provided for by their fathers.  I've carried these wounds an...

 We all have our struggles! Mine, in particular, is depression. I've been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and have suffered a few mental breakdowns over the years that almost took me out. I see my life as being a miracle; the fact that I'm still here and giving my all daily is an indication of grace, hope and the relentless gift of perseverance that resides in every single human being. We are made for such a great purpose and I, for one, refuse to exit this world without leaving a mark and without fulfilling my destiny. If you're feeling like you're alone in your struggle, know that you are not! Sibaningi esilwa namadimoni afuna ukusigwinya (there are many of us who are fighting demons that threaten to consume us). Reach out to a trusted friend, call a help line, join a support group, write, paint, make music, meditate; whatever you do, just don't give up! Whether it's an illness, a heartbreak, a temporary setback, a chronic condition that you have to l...

Hold your fire comrades, the 22-year-old resurfaced yesterday! For the purposes of simplicity and easy referencing, we'll just call him "22"😅.  So I may have exaggerated and overreacted a little. I was too quick to vent since the guy was just quiet and unreachable for one day (hand on face). And I knew his phone had issues from time to time. I humbly apologise to 22 and to all who were so emotionally invested that they were ready to slash his hypothetical tires and almost trolled him on the socials. I almost sparked a "Men are Trash" movement (Lawd!)  So when he called and I found out that he actually had a reasonable excuse for going MIA, I almost passed out because I'd just published yesterday's blog entry, and he hadn't seen it yet. Like the little drama queen I can be, I was frantically screaming and running around the house asking if I should delete the post quickly before he reads it (uyalazi ihaba)...lol. For a few minutes, I forgot I had Cov...

So the Rona got me y'all...😅😅😅 A few months ago it was just this far-fetched and mysterious thing we sang about in jest, and now I'm one of the 200 000 odd people in SA who've come face to face with the Coronavirus. Someone asked me..."Did you cry when you got your results?" Lol...(I didn't, for the record). I mean, I understand the devastating effects that Covid-19 has had on some vulnerable people and don't want to minimise the seriousness of this virus, but for a lot of people, it's just been another flu bug that comes and goes without wreaking much havoc. The same has been true for me. My biggest drawback throughout this experience wasn't the fear of death or hospitalisation. It's the social isolation. That almost killed me (I tell you, it's ten times worse than the first national lockdown).  The inability to get a much-needed hug or affectionate touch from a loved one out of fear of infecting them. Being forced to stay at home day i...