Breaking the status quo: Celebrating the Women who pulled me up!

Through the testimony of my life, I want to change the narrative that women don’t support each other, and that we are always the first to pull a fellow sister down or sabotage another woman’s success. That CANNOT be our story!

Yes, the abovementioned scenarios do exist, and one woman sabotaged by another woman is one too many. But there IS another reality!

I’ve seen women make unimaginable sacrifices for the upliftment and wellbeing of another woman or girl child. I’ve seen women support each other without envy, women celebrating one another in heartfelt ways that will humble you, women praying fervently for their fellow sister’s wellbeing and success. I’ve seen women who dare to change the status quo and the environment and narrative around them. This type of secure, confident, and compassionate woman exists in every one of us. But we must fiercely fight daily to free her and let her reign in power and love; that she may shape the world around her.

I’ve encountered many such women who’ve changed the trajectory of my life through their relentless love, their commitment to my growth and success, and their willingness to share their story and their stage with me. I’m going to highlight a few of these amazing and inspirational ladies further on in this piece.

It takes a special woman to share their shine with another woman without becoming bitter or jealous. It takes a mentally, emotionally, and spiritually empowered woman to truly and wholeheartedly want the best for her fellow sister. If you sometimes struggle with the examples I just mentioned, well, you’re in good company. Sisonke. Love is not an easy action, especially towards someone who resembles what you desire, and maybe struggle, to be.

I just read a scripture in Galatians 5 that speaks of the fruit of the Spirit and about loving your neighbour as yourself. I honestly believe that we see and treat others the way we feel about ourselves. When we think poorly of ourselves and loathe our own being, we have no capacity to love and appreciate the next person.

We need healing in our souls ie. the mind, the will, and the emotions. Some of us are broken and hurt and are walking around bleeding everywhere and hurting everyone in sight. We need to self-examine and interrogate the things that haunt and plague us. The things that keep us from being the best version of ourselves. Confronting your own demons and starting the journey of healing, freedom and self-love is the best gift you can give yourself. Of course, other people will also be beneficiaries of the beautiful, life-giving fruit of this process.

I don’t think anyone ever fully arrives at the epitome of self-awareness and perfection; it’s bound to be a life-long journey which becomes more fulfilling as you navigate it further and further. Only one person was ever perfect, Jesus, because He was also God. The Bible commands us to be fruitful. It says that a branch that doesn’t bear fruit, will be cut down. How many of us have become branch-less, life-less trees because we refuse to challenge ourselves to grow and bear good fruit?

The fruit of the Spirit that the Bible speaks of in Galatians 5 is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. In our own strength, we cannot embody these characteristics. But God gives us a Helper, the Holy Spirit, who empowers us to live out the character of Jesus Christ, the example that we were given. God knows we can’t do it alone. He’s already given us every resource we need to succeed at this life and love thing. But some of us are too stubborn and prideful to accept the Help.

Stop sabotaging and discrediting yourself! You are more capable than you think. After all, you are made in the image of God, which means you can do what He did, if you just allow Him to live through you and transform your life and the world around you. We are called to live a life of vision, purpose, love, humility, and service, in order to leave the world better than we found it.

I Salute These Daughters of the Most High God:

•   Thokozile Mdingi, my late mother’s younger sister. She’s always loved and treated me like her own child and raised me during my early years of Primary School, before my mother could bring us to Durban to live with her. She again adopted me after Mom passed on, doing everything in her power to close the gap and give me everything I needed to make it through High School and Varsity. I can’t even begin to fathom the sacrifices she and her husband made for me, while raising 4 boys of their own, while she, herself, was completing her Nursing studies. It certainly takes a village…

•    Zakithi Nobuhle Zulu, the girl who became more than a best friend in High School, she was my kindred spirit and sister from another mother. She generously shared her life and family with me; her home became my home throughout our high school years. That’s the time in my life that I realized how favoured, chosen, and blessed I was, and that God was surely with me. Buhle did something that few women can do. It takes a special grace to share the stage of your life with another woman without expecting anything in return. For that she will forever hold a special place in my heart. That sisterhood and that family brought so much healing, hope and blessings into my life that I continue to reap today.

•   Thandiwe Zama (formerly Thandiwe Madikazi in school), whose passion and love for God sparked a hunger in me during our high school years. There’s something in us that awakens and cries out to be set free when you watch a child of God living out their God-given gift. She was the best singer in school😊and a passionate worshiper and preacher of the Good News. As “uncool” as it was to us as teenagers, many of us were drawn to the fire that burned inside that girl. Through her, I was introduced into the faith, although my personal journey with God would truly begin in University. I’m forever grateful and inspired by her boldness and faith.

• Nomalungelo Nyoka (formerly Nomalungelo Majola), the most mature and impactful friend I had during my university years. This girl walked in fervent love and generosity and always inspired me to be a better person. I learnt the love of God the Father by watching her relationship with God. She also wholeheartedly opened her life and family to me. What a blessing and what a mark that family has left on me! When I think of her mother’s faith, it still brings tears to my eyes till today. Through them I witnessed the power of God’s anointing, and a deep hunger for God’s Spirit was birthed in me through that family.

• Qondiswa Zweni, my sister's "favourite friend of mine"...lol If  the saying "dynamite comes in small packages" were a person, if "real" was a person... She's my soul mate in a woman. I've never had to try hard with her, she effortlessly loves and sees me, sometimes more than I see myself. Her strength, her grace, her intentionality in helping others, and her big faith never ceases to amaze me. I have seen this girl persevere against impossible obstacles and triumph. She is my "Barnabas" (the encourager) who can speak life into my weary soul and resurrect it. Her compassion and insane generosity humbles me. She has this quiet yet powerful dignity and presence about her. Her life, and her presence in mine, has been a sure evidence of God's faithfulness.

• Lusanda Mashua and Trisha Sandeman, were my Campus Pastors who became Mothers to me. These women weren’t just Pastors by vocation but modeled what it meant to be a true servant of God and poured out their lives in service to the young women at Westville Campus. I was further blessed to be adopted into their families during a hard time after dropping out of varsity. Lusanda and her husband, whom I wrote about in a previous blog post, were Godsends in my journey and parented me in humbling and profound ways. When their journey took them overseas, the Sandemans, Trisha and Wayne, didn’t hesitate in continuing to be vessels of God’s blessing in my life. That year, 2012, would be the year that I started to see a glimpse of God’s purpose and plans for me. Through these amazing women, I learnt about surrender, a heavy but rewarding journey. I also got to witness what a godly marriage and family looks like. Hope was restored.

• Abulele Njisane, my beautiful young lecturer at Howard College, who became my friend and sister in Christ when I went back to complete my studies in Media and Marketing. This girl, man!! I tear up as I think about the day I encountered God’s grace and favour through her, when I broke down in her office after struggling because I took on a bigger-than-normal workload in order to finish my studies in one year. Her heartfelt encouragement and testimony gave me life and a new commitment towards my studies. She passionately and boldly prayed for me right there in that office, declaring God’s grace and purpose over my life, advancing the Kingdom in her place of work. What an inspiration.

• Magdalene Reddy, who took a chance on me and gave me life-changing work opportunities at the Centre for Creative Arts, UKZN (working on amazing international Film, Dance, Poetry, and Literature Festivals). This was an experience that would broaden my horizon and cement my love and passion for film and the arts as a whole. Magdalene inspired me with her work ethic and in how she confidently professed her faith in a very worldly industry concerned with self-worship. She was instrumental in many other job opportunities I was blessed with, she really believed in me. Being a steadfast woman of God, she fervently prayed for me and encouraged me during my hospitalization in early 2019. She has been a mentor and friend to many other young women that God placed in her path. She models kindness and women empowerment without seeking a reward.

• Liat Madinane, despite not knowing me from a bar of soap, put me forward as a candidate for the job I have today. My now boss was her client and asked her for referrals of stellar young women who were seeking employment. 😊 Liat got my name through a friend and didn’t hesitate (and in fact, went out of her way) to help me apply for the job. This speaks volumes about her ability to lift others up and give women opportunities without any reservations. I don’t know her personally, but I’ll forever be grateful to her and respect her, for her generosity and her amazing entrepreneurial skills, ambition, and passion.

• Last, but definitely not least, Nomfuneko Mbalenhle Nyawose, my younger sister and keeper of my heart. Words fail me every time. The way I love and admire this girl cannot be quantified. She’s the best gift God and my mother ever gave me. Against all odds, she has fought and not shied away from being a Leader and inspiration to so many young women, including myself. I have learnt so much about love, life, generosity, forgiveness, tenacity, and determination from my sister and by observing her life. She is kind, patient, steadfast, courageous, and unapologetic about who she is. An unwavering feminist, strong leader, political and social activist in her own right, she has earned the respect of her peers and accomplished so much. Mbali is a true advocate for women’s rights, equality, justice, and ME😊of course! She’s my number one supporter, my friend, mother, sister, and confidant. Never have I been more loved.

 

There are many other noteworthy women of impact in my life, but time and space doesn’t allow me to name them all. Salute to every woman who is using her agency and influence to be a blessing to other women, no matter how small your circle of influence is. Relentlessly loving and advocating for your sisters, friends, your neighbour, a stranger, a girl from school or work is what sets you apart as a woman of impact, and undoubtedly touches the heart of God. The Bible says that “he (she) who refreshes others will himself (herself) be refreshed”.

Don’t look to human beings for recognition, your reward will come from God. That being said, I’m a big believer in giving honour where honour is due. Let us celebrate each other without reservation. Let us love relentlessly and unconditionally. I leave you with this simple scripture from 1 John 4:19 “We love because He first loved us”.