The scars that our fathers left on our hearts are keeping us from the love and blessing of God, the Father

There’s a parallel between how we view our earthly fathers and how we view God. A lot of people who have had traumatic experiences at the hands of their fathers or have faced rejection from them will, a lot of the time, struggle to relate to God, the Father, in a healthy way. We see God the way we see our earthly fathers, stripping God of His Sovereignty and His Agape Love that has the power to transform us and heal our hearts.

Satan loves it when fathers reject their children, when they hurt them, and are outright bad fathers. He gets a kick out of dividing families, out of turning the hearts of the fathers away from their children and sowing hatred in the hearts of the children. This was the story of my life for a long time. 

I hated my father for as long as I can remember. Even before I knew who he was, I hated him. I determined in my heart as a young girl that I don’t need him, and that I NEVER will, because he rejected me. I even went as far as hating his daughter, my half-sister (because she grew up with him and received the "love" I didn’t get). As a little girl, the absence of my father, the absence of his love, the absence of his protection, and the absence of his provision broke me immensely. I felt small, unwanted, unseen, unappreciated, insufficient, not worthy of love and celebration for most of my life... 

Until I met Jesus Christ and got born again.

The point in my life when I was introduced to God, the Father, through Jesus, His Son, my story changed. I was no longer the girl who was rejected, I became the daughter who was loved, seen and appreciated by my Heavenly Father. I was given a new identity, but sadly, I still had deep scars from my experience with my earthly father/s (I encourage you to read Kinks & Quirks 1 and 2 for background knowledge on why I use a plural).

The scars and pain I still carried influenced the way I received love from God. It affected the way I received affirmation, instruction, guidance, correction and wisdom from the Lord. I always felt like an illegitimate child of God, the overlooked one, the not-so-special one, the one who deserves second best, and the one who gets punished more harshly. This influenced my outlook on life and God, and even how I treated myself. 

I looked down on myself and played small (told myself it was humility), I didn’t ask God for too much (told myself to be “grateful for whatever you get”), and never fully believed that God had “great plans to prosper me and not to harm me” as stated in Jeremiah 29:11. That promise was for the "special kids", not me, I thought. I had a victim mentality, a scarcity mentality, and as good as the promises of God sounded, they never really sank into my heart or spirit. I was so used to empty promises that I developed a defence mechanism against any “good thing” – I would ruin it before the other person got a chance to ruin it for me. At least if I hurt myself, I saw it coming, and so it wouldn’t hurt as much as someone else hurting me (the lies we tell ourselves).

But it still hurt… Pain is pain, whether self-inflicted or coming from another person’s actions. If it hurts, it hurts. Now, we can’t walk around our whole lives carrying all this pain, wherever it came from. When Jesus comes into our lives, He comes to set us free from the prison of pain, the bondages of bitterness, hatred, low self-esteem, etc. You can’t receive God’s forgiveness if your heart is full of unforgiveness. You can’t love people or yourself fully if you can’t receive the all-consuming love of God. I had to go through (and am still going through) a process of learning how to open my heart fully to the grace and goodness of God. How to stop “punishing God” (and myself) for my father’s mistakes. 

Healing is possible friends, restoration is possible, redemption is absolutely possible, for ALL of us. God redeems, and He redeems fully, not in half measures. He can restore what the enemy has stolen from our lives, He makes the latter situation way more glorious and greater than what you lost. God does not short-change us. 

2 Corinthians 12:9a says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” What the enemy thought was going to kill you or turn you away from God can, in fact, bring you even closer to God! What Satan meant for evil, God can turn it around for your good! God is turning the hearts of the fathers back to their children. Dare to believe that there's redemption and restoration taking place in your family. The Bible says, "We will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." Believe that for yourself and your family.

Let me prophesy over your life. You were born for such a time as this!

You are the head and not the tail. God has great plans for your life! Before you were formed in your mother’s womb, God knew you. He knows every detail of your life. He knows the number of hairs on your head. He knows what you need before you even ask. He WILL turn your mourning into dancing, your sorrow into joy! Just put your trust in Him. 

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7