Reflections by Nano

Popular culture brainwashes us into living unauthentic lives for the sake of being cool or being accepted by people who couldn’t care less about us. I’d like to offer a different narrative. Where the world encourages destructive behaviours and attitudes such as “be cool, or act cool”, “pretend you don’t care” or “tone down your excitement”, I’d like to propose that this kind of thinking is what destroys authenticity. We trade in honesty for likes. We give up our truth to gain a false sense of respect and affirmation from people who don’t even know the real you. The world or popular culture will have you sacrificing your soul for fake validation and meaningless attention. We’ve become so accustomed to portraying a cool or “acceptable” version of ourselves that many of us don’t know or appreciate our true selves. We’ve become casualties of destructive societal norms. After coincidentally having a few conversations relating to authenticity and pretentiousness, I reflected on the be...

 I’m turning 32 tomorrow! And I’m soooo excited for this next chapter of my life. In my blog description I write that, “I’m a woman who’s hoping to find love and stability as I enter my thirties…” Well, I’m proud to say that I’ve found it. 😊 I’ve found love and stability within myself. At the beginning of this journey, and for most of my life, I was looking outwardly for these things. While looking in all the wrong places, I found a lot of wrong things, wrong people, wrong habits. I found a lot that didn’t serve me. As soon as I started looking within, the answers started coming, the healing started coming, courage and hope filled my heart and life. As soon as I began to celebrate the good in me and the good around me, more blessings and joy came my way. Now, there’s a lot that I still want out of life, there’s so much I still want to do and accomplish; I feel like I’ve hardly begun living, yet I’ve lived such a full life already. And I’m really excited for the future! But ...

Letting go is a HARD thing to do. We say we really want to, but when the rubber hits the road, our desire to leave the past behind us and move forward is usually found wanting. I think we become so accustomed to our pain and suffering that we are terrified of embracing the foreign and unknown future; although it promises unthinkable peace, joy, freedom. I’m learning that in order to move forward and become the ME that God has created me to be, I need to shake off some things. Some of these things are experiences that have happened to me through no fault of my own, but some are my own mistakes and stupid actions. But whether I was at fault or not, these experiences have caused a sense of shame and self-preservation that has held me back from living fully and boldly. Some of the struggles and shortcomings we encounter as adults are usually linked to some deeply entrenched fears from our childhoods. I have some specific, vivid memories that have held me prisoner for so long and gnaw...

Have you ever felt like you don’t know what the hell you’re doing?! And you’re just winging this life thing; winging work, winging relationships…? That’s me every day! I feel like LIFE is this riddle that everyone else has figured out, and I just can’t seem to crack it. 31 years later, and I’m still desperately trying to make ANY sense of it. I’ve always struggled with insecurity and inferiority. I’ve always questioned if I actually “belonged” anywhere. Feeling like an outsider, second best, an inconvenience, a burden, not being enough…that’s been me most of my life. This scarcity mentality has become so entrenched in my mind, I will 9 times out of 10 self-sabotage when things are going well for me. Deep down inside, I believe I don’t deserve good things, and this inferiority complex has ravaged so many parts of my life. I think a lot of this negative thinking emanated mostly from my shit-show of a “father experience”. If you haven’t read my blog posts about my Dads (yes, plural)...

Through the testimony of my life, I want to change the narrative that women don’t support each other, and that we are always the first to pull a fellow sister down or sabotage another woman’s success. That CANNOT be our story! Yes, the abovementioned scenarios do exist, and one woman sabotaged by another woman is one too many. But there IS another reality! I’ve seen women make unimaginable sacrifices for the upliftment and wellbeing of another woman or girl child. I’ve seen women support each other without envy, women celebrating one another in heartfelt ways that will humble you, women praying fervently for their fellow sister’s wellbeing and success. I’ve seen women who dare to change the status quo and the environment and narrative around them. This type of secure, confident, and compassionate woman exists in every one of us. But we must fiercely fight daily to free her and let her reign in power and love; that she may shape the world around her. I’ve encountered many such women who...

You know when you've thought of a million different gifts you can buy someone, but none of them suffice. And you've tried writing a letter to express your deep gratitude and appreciation for them, but the words keep coming up short. Well, I can't count the number of times I've wanted to do something special enough to show two gentlemen, in particular, just how much of an impact they've made on my life... Let me give some background to my story... Some of you may know that I grew up without a father (not knowing my biological dad for most of my childhood). There were some men (uncles, etc.) who somewhat played the "father-figure" role, but a lot of pain and trauma came through those relationships. As a result of these experiences, I grew up feeling unwanted, uncared for, unprovided for, unprotected...especially by the men in my life. And every little girl/boy wants to feel loved, protected and provided for by their fathers.  I've carried these wounds an...

 We all have our struggles! Mine, in particular, is depression. I've been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and have suffered a few mental breakdowns over the years that almost took me out. I see my life as being a miracle; the fact that I'm still here and giving my all daily is an indication of grace, hope and the relentless gift of perseverance that resides in every single human being. We are made for such a great purpose and I, for one, refuse to exit this world without leaving a mark and without fulfilling my destiny. If you're feeling like you're alone in your struggle, know that you are not! Sibaningi esilwa namadimoni afuna ukusigwinya (there are many of us who are fighting demons that threaten to consume us). Reach out to a trusted friend, call a help line, join a support group, write, paint, make music, meditate; whatever you do, just don't give up! Whether it's an illness, a heartbreak, a temporary setback, a chronic condition that you have to l...