Letter to My Pastors (To send or not to send...)

Hi guys J

I know it’s weird that I’m writing you a letter when we literally live in the same house.

In light of my recent, shameful extra-mural activities, I’m a bit embarrassed to face you guys. I feel terrible for some of the unsavoury things I’ve done under your roof (though I guess it’s technically my roof because I live in my own apartment where I pay rent). Needless to say, I think of you as my parents and feel the need to account for my actions.

So it appears I’ve spent the entire long weekend indoors, avoiding bumping into you by chance on my way out or something. I’m quite shocked that I managed to stay away from my favourite bar and didn’t die of thirst or withdrawal (from “the spot” and those delicious and deadly cocktails). Anyway, I digress…the point of this letter is to apologise for my dubious behaviour as of late, and to thank you for respecting my privacy and not marching down here and confronting me.

Also, thank you for letting me sleep in your guest room the night you found me smoking weed by the gate with my Uber driver…we haven’t gotten around to talking about that one too (this growing list of atrocities is making me nervous). I get super paranoid and freak out so easily when I’m high so I really appreciated not being alone (though the voices in my head kept me up most of the night anyway) but “A” for effort from you guys!

We’ve literally come full circle; 2012 I was living in your upstairs guest room for a couple of months (while “figuring out my life”) after dropping out of varsity, and now I’m renting your downstairs apartment as a working adult (still “figuring out my life”) as I’m about to turn 30. Oh the things you’ve seen me through…I hope I haven’t traumatized you too much. Please tell me there are other more messed up people in our church, I feel like I’m becoming the poster girl for a rebellious pastor’s kid.

Hey, good news…after I heard you guys leaving for church yesterday I got up and sneaked off to church myself J…well a different church, but church nonetheless. So all hope is not lost! I’m actually going to miss living here when I move out next month, but I truly believe that moving in with my trusted friend will curb my dodgy tendencies and impulsive lifestyle.

Plus, I think it’s only healthy to see your pastors at church and not at home too. I think I also deserve the chance to shock you with my confessions like the other congregants; having you see me in action takes away the element of surprise and takes ALL the fun out of being a double-standard Christian. Okay, I think I’ve said my piece and best leave it alone now.

Again, I apologise for being human and I thank you for not judging me.